Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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