I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize