she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
