I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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