I just pynch a tree in the face
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
