Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize