You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
