somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
