All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They have beer where we have blood.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
