If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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