i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
