it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
