: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
