i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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