my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
