Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
