dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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