i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This is my gift to your gina
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
