I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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