party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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