...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize