Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
we should paint friendship bongs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
