At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
