to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
