what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize