you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
