omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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