It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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