I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
