You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
