My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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