She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
