:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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