It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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