Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
