party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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