I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
