Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
