i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
