Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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