she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i came on her dog
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize