I just made out with a guy for $7.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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