Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
