So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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