I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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