Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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