I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
