We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize