The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were trust falling into bushes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
