Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she told me i tasted like america
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
