Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
