So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
