butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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