I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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