Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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