EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
