I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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