ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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