White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
