i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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