True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
