I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
