it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
