I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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