I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize