i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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