Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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